I often get questions about how to deal with procrastination or other forms of self-sabotage when you’re trying to make a change. In this week’s video, I explain why these are NOT your fault and show you how to tackle them and achieve the change you desire.
Watch the video or, if you prefer, read the transcript. Don’t forget to leave a comment below and let me know how self-sabotage shows up in your life and how you are or will be applying the tools I have shared today. Or comment on anything else this blog made you think about.
I love hearing form you. I appreciate you.
Today, let’s talk change. With all the understanding and insight in the the world, you may still be struggling with follow through. You may call it procrastination—ok, sure. But what is behind procrastination? It’s fear. Fear of stepping outside the comfort zone of the familiar. It may shock you to hear, that it’s not just having to go through the temporary discomfort that averts us from making changes.
An even greater obstacle is experiencing increased comfort, increased joy, happiness, vitality, abundance. What was that? Let me say it again.
A great obstacle to creating lasting change is the increased comfort, increased joy, happiness, vitality, and abundance that this change creates. Because this state is unfamiliar. Unfamiliar registers as foreign and potentially dangerous.
So we retreat back to the familiar. We sabotage our own growth by reverting to the secure perimeter of the comfort zone—that is, in actuality, anything but comfortable. But it is familiar. And there’s great comfort in that. Notice the kinship between the words “familiar” and “familial.” Most of your present day familiar was formed when you were growing up in your family of origin. This familial familiar consists of your beliefs about the world, others, and yourself, what you’re worth, and what you’re capable of, etc.
It’s very old. Much of it is intergenerational. Meaning, the familiar of your parents, grandparents, and possibly beyond, is very much a part of yours. And here’s the tricky part—your familiar is mostly unconscious. And as it remains untapped and unexamined, it will continue to be a silent killer of your best laid plans and beautiful visions. Ouch.
I’ll give you a few examples.
Scarcity or poverty mentality is a big part of the familiar for most of us, save the children of the Rockefellers. Another big one is the belief that “I don’t deserve…” (fill in the blank)… “to be happy,” “to be loved,” “respect,” “success,” etc. There’s an area of the familiar that relates directly to your health and fitness level that you deem fitting for you.
Again, these believes are subconscious, and that’s what makes them the silent killers. Some types of psychotherapy focus on identifying these subconscious beliefs. Spiritual practice trains you to cultivate an observer self so that you can uncover these beliefs and treat them simply as thoughts, mental events, that are not who you truly are. Yoga helps us get at these beliefs through the body.
There’s an understanding in the mind-body healing community that “your body is your unconscious mind.” Meaning that these beliefs manifest through sensations and ailments in the body, your breathing patterns, in the way you hold yourself, your posture, the way you walk, even your pulse and body temperature. Fascinating, isn’t it?
I use all three approaches in Heart Talk Yoga—stay tuned, as I’ll continue unpacking them further. To start tacking change, here’s a tip and a shortcut. The tip: To make a change, your commitment to the new and unfamiliar state must become greater than your commitment to the status quo—the familiar, the way things are, the way you are.
Contemplate this. Next time you’re trying to make a change and do something differently, notice what sensations arise in the body as you contemplate this. Breathe into them to calm the nervous system and turn off the alarms of the internal resistance. Your internal guards of the status quo are screaming: “The borders of the familiar are under attack! We’re gonna die!” Breathe. Re-mind yourself. It’s ok. Breathe some more. And then gently and with a newfound commitment step outside the boarder. And experience the newness of the sensation.
Breathe. Acknowledge the alarms of the internal resistance going off. And breathe. And smile. You’re alive. You made it. You made a change. A piece of the new you has clicked into place. Take time to assimilate it. Allow your mind-body to fully experience and embrace the new state as your new normal. Allowing it to become familiar. There. Great job today!
What familiar is holding you back? What changes are you making in your life? How will you be applying what you learned today? Leave a comment below!
PS Remember, you can let me know *anonymously* what difficulties keep you up at night these days, so I can address them in my upcoming Heart Talk Yoga® blog, newsletter, and trainings. Let me know your most pressing concerns here.
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Thank you for being here. I appreciate you.
From my heart to yours,