Hi, Dr. Valerie Baker with you today with another controversial topic. Taking on mindset today, and why it barely scratches the surface, and sometimes mindset work backfires. Hold onto your rotten tomatoes. Let me know what you think in the comments once we get rolling.
But, first, I want to recap the video I did last week where we talked about why the law of attraction doesn’t work in certain circumstances and how those circumstances are created. Although the circumstances may be different, but what they all have in common is our state of being closed as opposed to open. It sounds very simple, but it’s really tricky in practice. I encourage you to watch last week’s video. Let me know what you think. Ask me any questions.
I discuss three ways of both tracking being open and closed and correcting course, and the three ways, the three domains would be the level of the mind, the body, and behavior. I talk about how being closed creates issues and gets us out of the state of flow. When we’re not in the state of flow, the law of attraction cannot work, and we’re spinning our wheels, but we’re not going anywhere where we want to go. That gets us working too hard, unnecessarily hard. Things can be much, much easier if we only teach ourselves—and it’s an absolute learnable and teachable skill—to be open as opposed to closed.
Today, I want to dive in a little deeper in this open-closed dynamic because it has a valid reason for existing. Closed is not bad. It is protective. Our evolution has endowed us with a reactive nervous system that signals danger. When it picks up on danger, the amygdala fires, the stress hormones are released, and we close and the body armors up. There is muscular tension. There is postural change. The breathing pattern changes. Yes, we become closed but we’re also ready to fight, flight, or freeze. Right? It’s very adaptive.
I want to talk to you about why mindset work does not address that and why this may not be enough. I had a great conversation earlier today with a remarkable woman. We were talking about woman entrepreneurs and how brilliant they are. Everybody we know is fantastic, heart-centered. And how we tend to hold ourselves back from being visible, from playing a bigger game, from even having discovery calls with prospects, sometimes we will self-sabotage or procrastinate, which is also self-sabotage in subtle ways which we may or may not be aware of to keep ourselves from being visible.
The truth of the matter is it has never been safe. Think about it for a moment. It has never been safe for a woman to be visible.
Think about it for a moment. We can have a long conversation and feel free to disagree. If you feel like it’s always safe for a woman to be in the world and show up as she pleases, please let’s have a conversation. I want to hear your point of view.
What I’m talking about here is that not only our experience in this lifetime but our mothers’, our grandmothers’, our great grandmothers’, our ancestral experiences have conditioned us to be fearful of visibility. Do you remember those times when they used to burn witches? Who were the witches? They were women who showed up and were visible in their power. This is a huge ancestral wound that we all carry in our DNA.
What else? Today, what’s going on on the political arena. We don’t need to go far. We see that it is still not safe to show up in your power and attract attention.
Unwanted sexual attention anyone? Has anyone ever experienced that? I don’t know any woman who hasn’t.
Is there any wonder that, at the thought of increased visibility, our nervous systems begin to protect us? And they protect us by creating behaviors of self-sabotage that can be ever so subtle or not so subtle at all. We can self-sabotage by overeating, by over-drinking, postponing the work and not showing up for ourselves and in so many other different ways.
Okay. I was talking to this woman, a remarkable lady. We’re talking about entrepreneurs. She said, “Wow, it is so interesting that you brought up that they used to burn witches because I was talking to this person who does channeling. The person said to me, ‘You actually were burned at the stake three times in your past lifetimes.'” She has a lot of hesitancy in approaching certain things relating to showing up in her amazing, brilliant wisdom in the world. That explains something for her.
Whether or not you buy into this whole concept of past lives … I’m certainly not selling it. I, myself, do not believe in anything, but I will consider everything—because I do think that we know a lot less than we don’t know. This is one point to that. But, also, in addition to that, in this lifetime alone, there’s nobody living on earth who hasn’t experienced trauma from the moment we were born to when we started living our lives.
The world is a poky place so sooner or later we get hurt. We get wounded somehow and that trauma is stored in the body. There is no way to think our way out of it.
This is where this whole myth of the mindset work comes into play and this is where it is dangerous. What’s dangerous about it is that when with our conscious mind, we engage in affirmations, positive thinking but our subconscious conditioning is contradicting that. It’s just contradicting that. Our body memory is wired to protect us from increased visibility but on our conscious mind level, we’re telling ourselves, “Yes, I love public speaking. I love doing live interviews. I don’t mind. People would criticize me” and all that. What’s happening there is that the subconscious is not open to suggestion at that point, and it’s going to dig in its heels and argue back. Basically it’s creating a cognitive dissonance that’s only exacerbating the problem.
When does this work? When can this work be effective, affirmations and such? They can be. They can be effective. When the subconscious is relaxed and open to suggestions such as in hypnotic states and deep meditation, etc..
Let me know what you think in the comments. If you have any questions, I would love to continue this conversation with you. I will be with you again next week. I will check back in and check your comments and questions. In the meantime, until then,
Stay in your heart,