My dear Heart Talk Yoga journeyer,
Watch the video or, if you prefer, read the transcript. Don’t forget to leave a comment below and let me know if you’ve embraced my challenge and what you’ve discovered. Or comment on anything else this blog made you think about.
I love hearing form you. I appreciate you.
My dear Heart Talk Yogini or Yogi,
Yes, there are guys in our circle too. A few of them were invited by their lady friends. I want to thank all the lady friends for inviting the guys they care about, and all the guys for accepting the invitation—because they care about their lady friends. That sure is heartwarming!
And the guys who came into the Heart Talk Yoga® circle courageously solo, I salute you and welcome you. Now that we’re all here together, let’s talk relationships, shall we?
I’ve been getting a lot of questions from folks who took Your True Selfie quiz with their partners: “… we both got Wisdom… Or… I got Love and he got Accomplishment… Now what?”
Good question! And one of my favorites. Let’s take a closer look. Your True Selfie points at the gifts that are important for you to reclaim at this time, and the challenges that you may have to negotiate in the process.
For example, folks who got Love are big hearted, many of them are empaths. They’re very sensitive to emotional injury and have a tendency to carry not only their own, but also other people’s heartaches. This sensitivity, big-heartedness is their gift, and it is their challenge. So their task is to learn to stay present with their own and other people’s emotions without getting overwhelmed and without shutting down or disconnecting using their exit strategies.
But guess what—we’re not taught how to do this in school. And if your parents taught you that, I want to meet them and bow down to them, because they are amazing, enlightened human beings. Bottom line, we struggle with this: staying open and present and connected and not getting overwhelmed. We get overwhelmed. And when we do, we use our exit strategies.
It may be that you disconnect emotionally, you shut down. Or, maybe you head for the exit door quite literally and leave. Maybe you explode in anger and push away your partner, so that you can re-compose, rebalance, restore yourself. Of course, in the moment, you’re not aware why you’re doing this. You just feel the urge to shut down, to slam the door, or to explode.
So, how does it play out in relationships?
If you’re not aware that you’re using an exit strategy to disengage when you’re overwhelmed, your partner is probably even less aware of it. Your partner experiences you as pushing him away, as being mad at him, which, in turn, pushes his emotional hot buttons. You see, everyone has emotional hot buttons that get triggered, that are powered by our wounds.
The intelligent design of relationships is that we uniquely pair up with individuals whose sacred duty is to help us heal our wounds. How do they do it? By pushing our emotional buttons, of course, so that we know where to look. This holds true not only in our romantic relationships, as expressed in the old adage “opposites attract.” This holds true also in our relationships with family members, friends, coworkers, and random people on the road who don’t know how to drive.
When our emotional buttons get pushed, we don’t normally say, THANK YOU. Thank you for pointing me in the direction of the wound I need to heal. We usually use different kind of language when this happens. And, yes, we use our exit strategies—anger, cold shoulder, playing victim, passive aggressive behavior, disappearing into work, or shopping, or drink, or food—you name it. We can get very creative here.
My loving challenge to you this week is this.
When you notice that your emotional hot button got pushed, pause. Breathe. Rejoice: Aha! Here’s my healing opportunity!
How exactly does healing happen? First and foremost, through training awareness of what’s happening. Second, through training resilience to be able to contain the emotion as it’s happen-ing. Third, by learning to hold your emotion with a lot of kindness, gentleness, and self-compassion. NOT repressing it and NOT pushing it away. Holding it like you would an child who’s upset.
Because, in a way, since almost all of our primary wounds come from when we were rather small, by attending to our emotion this way, we’re attending to this little girl—or boy—within. By holding them, we’re healing them.
I look forward to hearing from you how this challenge goes.
Feel free to share this video with your partners or friends, so you can become true partners in healing and learn to optimally support each other’s journeys. If you liked this video, hit that sub-scribe button so we stay in touch as partners in healing.
I’ll be back next week with more Heart Talk Yoga® tips and practices.
Until then, stay in your heart!