Hi. Dr. Valerie Baker here with you. Tomorrow is International Women’s Day. In some parts of the world it’s already today like in Russia where I’m from. Happy International Women’s Day! In Russia, it has always been celebrated, women’s equality, independence has always been celebrated by giving them flowers on March 8th.
On March 8th tons and tons, seas, oceans of flowers down the streets. Every guy would get his gal a bouquet on International Women’s Day, so there’s a Russian joke. “Tell me about the International Women’s Day, what is it about? Who created it?” “Clara Zetkin.” “Clara Zetkin? Was she in the flower business?”
So jokes aside, today I’m here to talk about why it is so hard for women entrepreneurs to, well, to be women entrepreneurs. Why is it so hard for women to be in business? So much harder than men? Some of the things you may know about because this is your reality, you’re living it daily and some of those things may be more in the blind spot because we’re all in the culture that conditions to see some things and not to see other things, right?
The first aspect of that, I’ve covered in the couple of videos that I did last week and the week before when I talked about feeling safe and feeling unsafe. Basically, it has never been safe for a woman to be visible. It has never been safe for a woman to speak her mind and it has never been safe for a woman to be successful.
Think about it for a moment. What do I mean by that?
Well, let’s think about witch burnings for a moment. Witches were simply women who were living from the place of truth and were more visible than others, so burn them! What goes on in the political arena, today, yeah?
But what I want to talk to you about today is what goes on inside of you on a daily basis. Every time you approach ending an email to your community or going live or approaching an influencer for an interview or mentorship or getting on a call with the prospective client, is there some nervousness inside? Is there some anxiety, perhaps?
This is your nervous system reminding you that it is not safe to be visible. It is not safe to be successful, because what’s at risk is—while you may not be burned at the stake—but it’s quite real that you would be exposing yourself for a potential rejection, criticism. These not only hurt but there is a deeper evolutionary reason for why rejection is the number one fear. Well, public speaking is the number one fear but what’s underlying it is really the fear of rejection, people not liking you. So this is why it’s so deeply wired into our biology.
Back in the day we could only survive as a tribe. Well, it is still true today. If the tribe rejects you, this is the worst punishment, because you would perish, you would not survive. The rational mind may tell you otherwise, you know, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” But the body always wins.
The biology always wins.
I call these “invisible electric fences,” these forces that hold us back, keeping us from endangering ourselves, risking rejection, risking criticism, risking death. These can only be de-powered through mind-body work. The body needs to be involved. I do something called mind-body reconditioning through the nervous system, basically with the purpose of making these everyday experiences feel safe. It’s a training process. The tools are extremely easy. They are based on the ancient science of yoga, the modern science of psychology, biology, neuroscience, this whole powerful cocktail—but it is a practice. It is a training program.
Another factor that we as women entrepreneurs have stacked against us is this. “My great-grandmother built a business empire from scratch.” Are you looking at me like this? Is she crazy? Do you know any woman who can say that? If you do, do let me know. I want to talk to her and see what her experience is like. I don’t. Men, there are a lot of men who can say that. My great-grandfather, my great-great-great grandfather, or my father, or my grandfather, my uncle—yes, there’s a lot of legacy of building businesses among men, not among women.
Women entrepreneurs, we don’t have any role models that we are related to by blood and that is a big barrier for us. We need to establish that. We need to establish that lineage, but because there are so few successful women out there, what do we do as women? For mentorship, we mostly go to men. We go to study with men. There’s nothing wrong with that except there are a couple of things. Men-oriented, men-created, men-made models of running a business are typically created for men by men for men, so they capitalize on uniquely masculine qualities.
This philosophy, “go get them, always be closing,” this grrrr, this very aggressive approach to business. We as women, we learn those tools from men. We try to apply them and we freeze. We go, “I don’t know about that. I don’t know about advising this person on the phone I have with me to get a second mortgage out on their home so that they could pay for my program. I don’t know about that.” Those trainers or coaches go back to us and say, “Well it’s your mindset issue. You should be able to do that. It’s your mindset.”
If you want to hear me talk about mindset schmindset in my previous video bring your rotten tomatoes and let’s go. It’s one of my favorite topics du jour. Here’s the thing. Male oriented models don’t work so well for women because women have unique strengths. Not because we couldn’t do this, but we have abilities that are better alignment with who we are.
We are extremely intuitive. We are very compassionate. We are very communal. We are very connected with others. We can really tap into another person’s feelings and our enrollment process, sales process, if you will, can look so organic and feel so good both to the giver and the receiver. But we are not taught that by men because that’s not how they operate.
Most women teaching their models, most of them are following men because well that’s how the lineage has been working. There’s no female business lineage currently.
Hopefully we are the generation establishing that. Also as women we are conditioned to give away our power. Do you ever look at somebody and think, “Oh, if only I could be like this person. Oh, they know what they’re doing.” This person teaching this “proven business strategy” that’s going to take you from six to seven, from seven to eight figures. This person teaching another model that will work for you.
We go from one guru to another going like this: “Are you my mother? Are you my mother?” Like in that children’s book. The truth is they’re not. They are not your mother. You have such riches that only you can discover and you need to build business tools and strategies around who you authentically are as a person and not try to make the shoe fit that’s off the shelf that will never fit because it’s not your size. It’s not your style, okay? All right.
The third reason why it’s so hard for us women entrepreneurs, so much harder than for men to be in this is that we are communal creatures, for better or worse. So all this conditioning that if the tribe rejects you you’re going to die, it’s very strong for us but also it is so palpable.
When we begin to have success, when we move forward or even when we just put ourselves out there, we begin to notice that our relationships begin to change. Some friends who have been there for us in need cannot be there for us in success, because as I discussed before, as women we’re not comfortable with success. It feels dangerous. So those women who have not yet allowed themselves to get out there and really tap into the gifts and put them out there, they’ve disallowed them. They’ve closed the closet door on those gifts.
Then they are projecting. There’s a psychological phenomenon of projection. Whatever we disown in ourselves we begin to see it in others and we’re going to have one of the two reactions, both very strong. We’re either going to love that person like really fan girl all over them or we’re going to really hate them, find them completely annoying, irritating and want to bash them and hate on them.
Going around and looking up to people, asking them, “Are you my mother?” This is projecting our own superpowers onto these people who are displaying them so brightly. And conversely, when we see somebody shining brightly and we find ourselves annoyed at them, it means we’ve disowned those powers within ourselves.
So how it plays out for women entrepreneurs, well for us to make progress to move forward, involves a lot of loss and grieving, because not all of our friends will be able to go there with us. People in our communities, some of them will overtly be saying, “What are you doing? Oh no, this will never work. Oh no, I just want you to save you the disappointment. I wish you the best.”
There is a reason why the inventor of SPANX, Sara Blakely, did not share with anyone for two years, she didn’t share her idea with anyone. Two years. That’s a remarkable restraint because she knew, she knew that she would be taken down by the community. Women are communal creatures and we need to use it for better and not for worse.
I’ve been thinking about this for a while as you can see from my collection of soap boxes on the subject. I’ve been working with women entrepreneurs a lot. I’ve been meeting with them, interviewing them for my show , talking to them at live events.
What came to me is that there needs to be a new model for a support system for women entrepreneurs that doesn’t exist to my knowledge. This model, the way I see it would address all three of these barriers for women. It will address the lack of role models. It will address that success doesn’t feel safe. And the community factor, the community that tends to hold us back.
I came up with such a support system. I’m calling it Her Success Space. It’s a program that is membership-based. People can come and go as they please. It’s for women only. Sorry guys, this is a feminine model of capitalizing on our strengths as business owners, as entrepreneurs creating unique feminine models of sales and running programs and running our businesses, creating our business culture but also utilizing mind-body tools that I teach.
I’ve developed over the years as working as a mind-body psychologist the tools to de-power the invisible electric fences between where we are and where we want to be, and creating this environment where we can experience success as safe. We reprogram our mind-body to experience success as safe so that we no longer need to rely on self-sabotage to hold us back from something that doesn’t feel safe.
The community of women that I am creating, we actually had our first coaching call today but don’t worry, you haven’t missed out because we’ll have rolling enrollment and just be growing. This community of brilliant women, amazing, heart-centered, vision-driven women, they are as committed to their own success as they are to the success of other women. Think about it. They are as committed to other women’s success as they are to their own and to the success of the people they serve. This is really huge.
In this community, we’ll be doing the inner work. We will be creating the high tide that lifts all boats and we will also be acquiring business tools and strategies—but unlike off-the-shelf solutions that you can get by taking programs… I’ve taken so many programs, an obnoxious number of programs over the past couple of years, so I can tell you from that experience. That was also me giving away my power. “That person knows better. That person knows better. This proven system, that proven system.” Yeah. I got so saturated with that.
What I realized that instead of making the shoe fit, I could have really benefited from a personalized guidance from somebody and the community, but everything costs so much, right? Personalized guidance from coaches costs so much and masterminds cost so much. My commitment in this program is to help everyone know themselves so well and have the community around them who can remind them and reflect their strengths back to them so that they can pick and choose the business systems and tools that are appropriate for them, who they are and their business.
We’ll be learning in this community. Every month we’ll be having another expert come in and teach business tools from their area such as creating Facebook ads, social media presence, on-camera presence, public speaking, creating your talk, booking yourself on stages, making your book an Amazon best seller, etc. We’ll be taking these tools and making them customized to the business.
Thank you for the thumbs up. We just opened doors to Her Success Space. It’s an amazing program and the founding members at this time are getting an incredible special so if you are interested, this special is now good now through March. But of course the earlier on you jump on board the more benefits you will receive because we’re still a small group but we will be growing.
My vision is to grow this community and create a tidal wave of success so that we become the generation of women who create businesses, who create inter-generational wealth, who create empires, who create so much good in the world that is lasting, that we can pass on to our daughters and their daughters and their daughters, and little by little shift the whole energy on this planet toward utilizing, honoring, benefiting from uniquely feminine gifts and strengths.
I don’t know if you would agree with me but I think this is what our planet needs right now, our Mother Earth, our big Mother. So please let me know what you think in the comments and if you’re interested in learning more about Her Success Space, please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. My enrollment process is having calls with everybody who’s interested so that we make sure that we are on the same page and we share that vision. This special is only good for a couple more weeks and I look forward to connecting with you and learning more about your vision and how I can support it.
Thank you so much for being here with me today. Happy International Women’s Day! I wish you the most beautiful unfolding of your heart-centered vision that the world so much needs right now. I’ll be with you next week. Until then, stay in your heart.